Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Dear Binky,

Okay Mr. I drink beer and design witty t-shirts in my spare time. Evidently, I need to explain to you what it is I do all day so that maybe, just maybe you'll get a glimpse into the life of a woman.
"Mommy, mommy....change me," she says to me at 6:10 in the morning. It feels like I just went to sleep 5 minutes ago. How can it be morning already? "Mommy change me!" she yells. "I wanna go in the play room." I groan and turn to look at the clock one more time just to make sure I'm not dreaming or something. I get out of bed. "Where's your sister?" I ask. Her reply, "I wanna watch Dragon Tales! Mommy put Dragon Tales on now!" she shouts. "Quiet you'll wake up your sister," I whisper. "I want milky", she demands again. I walk to the kitchen realizing how badly I have to pee. I can't leave to go pee though because she'll get upset that I haven't brought her her milk that she so desperately needs in order for her happiness to be complete. So I tighten my legs together and start hopping from one foot to another as I poor the milk in her sippy cup. Of course the pouring of the milk is not exactly helping with the whole pee issue. I'm trying to get the damn lid tightened around the sippy cup and of course I can't do it. Damn I really have to pee!
I manage to walk out of the kitchen without wetting myself. I hand her the sippy. And then I hear it. Their bedroom door is opening. The other one is poking her head out. "Mommy I need milky...

And that's just the first 10 minutes of my day. Now do the math and figure out how the rest of the day works from there. I am mommy. My job is to keep my mouth shut while changing diapers, potty training, filling sippy cups, changing clothes, doing laundry, making meals, vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, stopping to color a picture with them, washing faces, mopping the floor, making the beds, stopping to let them play outside, and filling the bathtub with just the right amount of bubbles. I am my children's bitch. I will continue to be their bitch until they turn an appropriate age. So Mr. I drink beer and make witty t-shirts in my spare time, have I given you a reasonable excuse for why I couldn't sit at my computer and write about shit that irritates me in a timely manner? LOL! I just had to give you shit Binky. Muah!

4 comments:

Deadmeat said...

Hey, uh. As soon as you two are done comparing e-cocks with your mad thuggery skills, can you go make me a sandwich?


Mkay.

Thanks.

Nuthin' But Net said...

Yeah, I was never informed of my entry into the e-cock contest. All I said was that it was funny how bloggers start out so enthusiastic, and then fade within the first week.

Further, I'll be needing to make a phone call to the state of Wisconsin so I can procure enough cheese to go with your whine.

Will provolone be okay? I think it has "milky" in it. *barf*

C-4! said...

Net, I think this is the third time you have been accused of being part of a cock-off..........ohoh.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

YOU GO CANDACE! I AM ALSO MY CHILD'S BITCH AND I HATE IT!